What would ever possess anyone, anywhere, at any time to ever ask a woman this question?
"Sarah, are you pregnant?"
Today I was waiting for the elevator when a coworker of mine turned to me and asked this very question.
Mind you, she wasn't asking because she thought I had a certain "glow" about me, she was asking because she saw me (and I quote) "from the side and wondered." Nice. Thanks for that.
I could just hear my Mom's voice saying, "See? I told you not to slouch! Stand up straight!"
After a brief second I got over my shock and was able to tell her that no, I wasn't pregnant, just bloated and wearing what was obviously a very bad outfit. This is when she added, "Oh don't feel bad, and I get asked if I'm pregnant all the time." This is the point at which I slapped her. Right across the face. Just kidding.
This exchange felt a lot different from last Christmas when my Aunt's house was really warm and my cheeks were flushed and my hair was unusually curly and big. My favorite uncle asked, "Sa, you look different, are you with child?" Everyone asked me if I was preggers that day, in fact. (Yes, it was all very "Eeew.") But in their defense, at least they're family and have known me all my life and only asked because they thought I had a big-haired, pink-cheeked, newly married glow about me. So it was yucky, but somehow not as much.
There is no glow about me today. I am bloated, have scraggly hair, and bags under my eyes. I'm wearing the purple Mr. Rogers H&M sweater I bought last December when I was stranded for two days in Midtown during the NYC transit strike.
Part of me wants to blame the style of clothes the damn kids are wearing today. The stores are crammed with low rise jeans and long, maternity-looking tops. Of course, I'm not wearing either of those today. Ok, scratch that idea.
Honestly, I have barely entertained pregnancy talk from my own Mother-in-law, let alone a coworker whom I hardly know. What madness would cause a person to think this was an appropriate elevator-waiting conversation starter? I might dare to bring up pregnancy to a woman if she were, say, popping out of obvious maternity wear and reading a copy of "Pregnancy Now" magazine. But even then I would probably exercise a little caution. Truly, one just never knows.
Sometimes it really is better to M.Y.O.B.
In closing, what is the fastest, most foolproof way to ruin a non-pregnant woman's day? Ask her if she's pregnant after viewing her "from the side." Go on. Do it! Please. I dare you.
Comments