Warning: A headache that has lasted 48 hours on my right temple has prompted me to take allergy/sinus medication. Please bear this in mind if you choose to continue reading.
At the risk of sounding crazy, does anyone else think the 1970's smelled? And when I say smell, I do mean literally as well as figuratively. In all seriousness, collectively I think the 1970's could've done with a liberal spraying of Fabreeze. Granted, I only spent a little over a year of my life existing in the 70's and I can't remember any of it. But the television, music, and movies that I have witnessed from this era lead me to believe one thing: the entire decade stunk like rotten cheese.
For example, have you ever seen the TV show, "Alice?" (I usually refer to this show as "Mel's Diner") It's a terrific show, based upon the movie "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore" starring the fabulous Ellen Burstyn. Incidentally, I hadn't realized this until I read the Oprah interview with Ellen. She was actually the main creative force behind the movie, but chose to only get an acting credit for it. So when the movie was made into a TV show she received nothing. Sucky, huh? Ah, those repressive, stinky 1970's.
But I have digressed, big time. My point is this: Would you ever have been caught dead eating in Mel's Diner? Don't you think it kind of looked, oh I don't know, unsanitary? Don't you think the surly but lovable cook, Mel, could've done with a shower? I would bet money that Mel, in his white scraggly looking T-shirt, had body odor. I just don't think I could've brought myself to eat a nice chicken salad platter from his establishment! Sorry, Mel. Alice and Vera didn't look like they smelled like roses, either. Or Flo, for that matter. I wouldn't have kissed her grits for all the oil in Texas.
The TV show "One Day at a Time" is a glowing example of how behavior in the 1970's also had a stinky-feet kind of odor to it. I have to say, although growing up my sister and I watched reruns of this show religiously, I find everything about it positively P.U. We somehow never wanted to eat while watching it.
This especially odorous sitcom starred Bonnie Franklin as the pint sized dynamo Ann Romano. Ann could frequently be found posing in an overly dramatic, 1970's, pasty-tummy-bearing kind of way as the studio audience enthusiastically applauded. And you know the type of applause I'm speaking of: it's the kind that begins with one clap, then a second clap, then more claps, then eventually it erupts into wild clapping. It smelled. Bad.
I'd be a rookie if I didn't mention Mackenzie Phillips as Ann's oldest daughter, Julie Cooper. Please, of course Mackenzie Phillips had a stench, that's a given! But what really stood out to me was the sexual tension between Ann and Dwayne Schneider, her womanizing, gum-chewing super. Their exchanges positively reeked of stale, sour milk! In the strictly figurative sense, of course. Although I think it would be safe to say Dwayne Schneider probably emitted an aroma of cigarettes, b.o., and cheap aftershave. Of course, I'm only speculating here.
The show's one exception would be Valerie Bertanelli as Barbara Cooper. For some reason Valerie just didn't seem to give off a nasty odor and I'm not sure why.
If I haven't begun to bore you or perhaps cause you to wonder if I'm completely mental yet, indulge me a bit more: Tim Curry. Ah, just saying the name evokes all kids of wonderfully odiferous images! Some might argue that Tim Curry could be credited with single-handedly stinking up the 1970's. And I love Tim Curry, although my sister and I have been known to sometimes say, "Eeew, that (fill in the blank) smells like Tim Curry!" He is a fantastic performer whose actions I just happen to find stinky. I'm not even sure what he might have smelled like in the 70's, I just know I wouldn't want to have been within a 500 mile radius.
Oh, I could go on all day about why the 70's smelled, but I will bore you no longer. In closing, I will leave you to ponder these last few examples: The Bee Gee's, The Hustle, men in big-collared shirts bearing chest hair, Fat Elvis, polyester pantsuits, the way Carol and Mike Brady used to always make out on "The Brady Bunch," man perms, "The Love Boat," "Welcome Back, Kotter," "Eight is Enough," "MASH." (I know MASH took place in the early 50's, but they weren't fooling anyone, certainly not this girl.)
In short, if you ever witness me describing something as "figuratively" smelling like cheese, or curdled milk, (any dairy product, really) or an off-the-air television show from the 1970's, now you'll know what I'm talking about. Or maybe you won't.
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